Bring Me Your Rodents (Before I Adopt Them All) The blog.

hoomane
Nov 11
2 min read

Small Pet Boarding @ Hoomane

Listen. I do not need rodents.

I should not have rodents.

My life already has the structural integrity of a graham cracker in a rainstorm.

But I love rodents.

Their twitchy little noses.

Their dramatic squeaks.

The way they stare at you like you’ve interrupted their quarterly shareholder meeting in a cardboard box that they aggressively chewed into a C-suite office.

It’s therapy. It’s chaos. It’s who I am as a person.

So. Bring me your rodents.

Your hamsters who wake up once every 19 days & behave like they’ve been pulled from cryogenic stasis.

Your guinea pigs who scream like air raid sirens because you opened the fridge too confidently.

Your rats (YES, RATS — put the judgment back where it belongs: in the compost). I even love the outdoor ones. Especially the ones with crimes in their eyes. (Don’t tell my neighbours.)

Bring me your fuzzy baked potatoes. Your mystery floofs. Your “the pet store employee just shrugged & said small animal??” creatures.

Because if you don’t?

I will adopt more.

Do not test me. I have been known to leave a rescue with three new dependents & a fresh lease on life.

Where Will They Stay?

In a dedicated spare room.

A private suite.

Free from the bigger, clawier roommates.

Curated. Cozy. Rodent safe. Rodent adored.

The residents here (led by Grandpa Hunter, wise 18-year-old cat & noted rodent enthusiast) genuinely believe the small ones are royalty. They are correct.

Rodent Boarding Includes:

A whole room. Yes. A room. For your potato.

Fresh veggies, hay, snuggle breaks & enrichment daily

Custom cardboard architecture (think: tiny castle, tiny rent-free loft, tiny “no solicitors” sign)

Nail trims if your creature has chosen violence via talons

Carefully-selected background music (spa vibes or hardcore rap depending on their aura)

Human-level hospitality & rodent-level devotion

Who Is This For?

Pet parents who want actual peace of mind while away

People whose friend said “I can watch your hamster” & now the hamster is feral & living behind drywall

Bunny guardians who know hay = currency, identity & religion

What’s Not Included: